yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
