Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I cut my penus on the lid.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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