I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
