yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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