I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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