Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
