your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
