So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
