Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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