let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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