i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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