I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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