Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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