He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it's like iHOP with fire
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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