The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
