Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
