i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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