It's like God shit irony all over that family
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
