they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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