I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
nutella sex= disaster
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
