I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
No subtext here. People are naked.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I didn't notice because vodka
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
