Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
