so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
