omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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