Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
