that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
then he tried to convert me to islam
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
