I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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