At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
