I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
