he puts the penis in happiness.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
