Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Drunk is not a location!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
