I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
