You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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