I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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