I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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