So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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