In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
