I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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