i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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