remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
