So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
