I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
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okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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