My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
