If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
