cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Alive.
So much puke
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
