hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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