Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
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You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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