Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
