If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
