so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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