ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize