In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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