apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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