it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
