captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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