he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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