I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
