It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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