I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
