I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize