my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
