Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
