dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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