She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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