if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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