Moan for me like Helen Keller
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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